First-date questions · Making room to talk
First-date questions and communication devices
Ask your date and give them time
Talk directly to your date and ask the same kind of open question you would ask anyone else. Then give them time to answer in their own way. Do not take or use their device without permission, guess what they want to say, or finish their answer. You can ask what helps the conversation and let your date choose what they want to share.
After a break from dating, adult daters Wanjiku and Kato meet at a public cultural centre in Nairobi. Wanjiku uses a tablet to help communicate. Kato is curious about the exhibition they are visiting but worries that asking a question might interrupt her. He can ask, listen and let her set her own pace.
Begin with a question you both can answer
Kato might say, “Which part of the exhibition would you like to see first?” Wanjiku can respond using her device or another way that works for her. He can share his own answer too. An open question gives her room to say more than yes or no, but either adult can choose a shorter answer.
AAC means augmentative and alternative communication: ways to communicate that add to or replace speech. A person might use a device, a picture board, gestures or a combination. Do not assume that every person uses the same method.
Leave space for the answer
A person may need time to find words or make a message. After asking, wait instead of filling the silence or answering for them. If you do not understand, ask a respectful follow-up rather than guessing.
The American Speech-Language-Hearing Association gives similar advice to teachers: speak to the person, allow time and ask for clarification. Its examples are about school, so this date conversation is Afrolu’s own application of those ideas.
Treat the device as personal
Ask before moving or touching the tablet. Wanjiku can choose whether to explain how she communicates; Kato does not need her diagnosis, medical history or a demonstration. If she asks for practical help, listen to her instructions rather than taking over.
A noisy venue or glare may make a conversation harder for either adult. They can check whether another seat works, take a break or change the plan. Wanjiku can say what helps her; Kato can say what helps him.
Notice the person, not only the device
A first date is a chance for both adults to talk about interests, ask questions and decide whether to meet again. A device does not tell you what someone wants from dating. If either person would rather leave or not answer a question, accept that choice.
Keep reading
More ideas for a first meeting
Sources and what they can tell us
Wanjiku and Kato are invented adults. Their exchange is an editorial example; communication methods and access needs vary.
- American Speech-Language-Hearing Association: Back-to-School: Tips for Supporting Students Who Use AAC Devices
It recommends speaking directly, allowing response time and asking for clarification rather than guessing.
Limit: Its examples concern school classrooms; it does not dictate how Wanjiku communicates or how a date should proceed. - American Speech-Language-Hearing Association: Augmentative and Alternative Communication
It describes AAC as communication methods that supplement or replace speech.
Limit: The professional resource does not describe a particular person’s device, needs or dating preferences.
Questions about communication devices
Must I ask why my date uses a device?
No. Your date can choose whether to talk about communication or health.
Should I finish a sentence if I think I know it?
Give the person time. If you are unsure, ask rather than guessing or speaking for them.
Can a person use speech and a device?
Yes. People may use more than one way to communicate, depending on their preferences and circumstances.