After a breakup · Digital privacy
Still sharing a calendar with your ex? Check what it shows
Start with your own calendar
Open the sharing settings for a calendar you own and check who can see it and what they can do. Decide whether that access still suits you. If you need to coordinate a practical obligation, consider a separate calendar or another agreed channel with only the information needed. Calendar services work differently. Removing access may not erase old invitations or copies someone already saved. If changing access could put you at risk, plan with a trusted person or local support first.
Adia returned to Nairobi after a relationship ended abroad. Her former partner can still see a personal calendar they used for trips. A new work appointment appears beside old plans. Adia wants to stop sharing her own routine while keeping a separate plan for collecting a shared parcel.
Three different kinds of information
- Your routine
- Review access to the calendar you own.
- A shared obligation
- Agree on only the detail needed for that plan.
- A past copy
- Do not assume a setting can erase what was already saved.
Keep a practical plan separate from your routine
Adia can arrange the parcel handover without sharing a full personal calendar. She might agree on one place and time in a message, or create a separate shared calendar if both adults need ongoing coordination.
If you share care responsibilities, a sudden change could affect another person. Decide what information is actually needed and whether a trusted third party or agreed channel would help. Do not use a child's private details as proof to a new date.
A small change
A parcel does not need a whole calendar
Invented messages between adult former partners Adia and Kelechi.
- Adia
- “I will stop sharing my personal calendar. Can we agree on the parcel handover here?”
- Kelechi
- “Yes. Is Saturday afternoon at the public counter possible?”
- Adia
- “Yes, at three works for me.”
The adults make one practical plan without sharing an entire routine.
What needs access?
Which access do you need?
- Only your own routine is shared
Review and change the permissions you control.
- There is an ongoing shared obligation
Choose a limited channel that fits the real obligation.
- Changing access may put you at risk
Talk with a trusted person or local support before acting.
A setting does not erase copies
Removing a person's access can change what they can see later. It cannot guarantee that a past invitation, screenshot or saved copy disappears. Check the service's own help for its controls; do not attempt to enter someone else's account.
If an ex uses access to monitor, threaten or frighten you, changing settings may need a safety plan. A trusted person or local specialist can help you decide what is safe for your situation. There is no single safe sequence for everyone.
Choose what you want a new person to know
A new date does not need a screenshot of Adia's calendar to understand that she is free on Saturday. She can offer a time in her own words and keep the account that holds her routine private.
Keep reading
Protect your own next steps
Sources and what they can tell us
Adia, Kelechi and their parcel are invented. Google instructions apply to Google Calendar; safety and co-care needs differ between adults.
- Google Calendar Help: Share your calendar
It describes sharing permissions and how an owner can remove a specific person's access in Google Calendar.
Limit: It does not describe every calendar service or promise removal of old copies. - Love is respect: Digital boundaries
It encourages people to discuss what online sharing and contact feel comfortable.
Limit: It cannot decide Adia's safety or how to coordinate her parcel. - eSafety Commissioner: Online dating
It discusses personal-information privacy and signs of online pressure.
Limit: It does not give a universal sequence for changing calendar access after a breakup.
Questions about shared calendars
Can a new date ask to see my calendar?
They can ask, and you can say no. You can offer a time without sharing the whole calendar.
Does removing access delete old screenshots?
No setting can promise that copies another person already saved disappear.
Is Google Calendar the same as every calendar app?
No. Check the help for the service and account you actually use.
What if we still need to coordinate care?
Choose a practical channel and share only the details needed; consider support if contact is unsafe.