Dating app harassment in South Africa: what you can do

Start with the choice that feels safest

If someone threatens you or knows where you are and you fear immediate danger, move to a safer place if you can and call the South African Police Service emergency number, 10111. It is for police emergencies. You can also ask someone you trust to help you make the call.

There is no rule that you must confront the person. If replying may make the situation worse, you can stop responding. You may want help from a trusted friend, colleague or support service before choosing your next step. South Africa's Gender-Based Violence Command Centre lists 0800 428 428 for assistance and referrals.

What might unwanted contact look like?

Perhaps someone keeps messaging after you have said no, sends sexual images you did not ask for, threatens to share your pictures, or follows you to other accounts after you block them. One situation can be different from another. You do not need to decide the legal label before seeking support.

An Association for Progressive Communications study of adults at four South African universities described unwanted sexual messages and online stalking among experiences discussed by participants. Some people feared being judged or blamed when seeking help. The study includes social-media as well as dating-app experiences; it cannot give a national rate for dating-app harassment.

Keep a record only if it is safe

If you can do so safely, save the account name, profile link, dates and relevant messages or threats. A screenshot may help show the context. Some apps notify people when a screenshot is taken, and storing evidence on a shared device can create risks. A trusted person's device or a written record may be safer in some situations.

You do not have to collect evidence before getting help. Do not forward intimate images or put yourself at risk to gather more. If an image involves a child, do not save or forward it; seek guidance from police or an appropriate child-protection service.

Use the app's tools when you are ready

Find the report option in the app or its help centre and describe the behaviour that concerns you. If safe, keep the details you may need before blocking, since blocking can change what you can see. You can also block first if that is the safer choice. The order is yours to decide.

Blocking one account does not guarantee that the person cannot contact you elsewhere. Review who can see your profile and personal details. If you are concerned about a shared account or device, get advice from someone you trust before changing settings.

Police and court are separate options

To report a possible crime, you can go to a police station; use 10111 for an emergency. You can tell the officer what happened and ask what information would help. A report to the app is separate from a police report.

South Africa's Department of Justice also provides information and forms for applying for a protection order against harassment at a magistrate's court. A lawyer is not required to apply. Whether an order is available depends on the facts and the court's decision; applying does not guarantee one. Ask the court or a legal adviser about your situation and the next steps.

If a friend tells you this is happening

Listen without asking why they used the app, shared a number or did not leave sooner. Ask, ‘What would help you feel safer right now?’ You can sit with them while they look for the report button or contact a service, but let them choose what to share and what to do.

Questions readers ask