Dating red flags · Payment requests
A long-distance match sends a cheque. What now?
Do not send money back
Do not deposit a cheque and send part of its value back to a match or another person. Contact your bank through its own app or a number you already know is genuine and explain the request. If you already deposited it or sent money, tell the bank and the payment service promptly and ask what steps are available. Money appearing in an account does not prove a cheque is genuine.
Adult dater Amara is getting to know Daniel across distance. They have talked about faith and a possible future visit. Daniel sends a cheque and says part is for a good cause, asking Amara to forward the rest to someone else quickly. Amara has not met him and does not want a payment decision to become a test of trust.
Why the request needs a pause
The US Federal Trade Commission describes a fake-cheque pattern in which someone asks a recipient to deposit a cheque and send money onward. Funds may appear before a bank discovers a problem. Its explanation concerns US banking; cheque rules and timing vary elsewhere.
A warm conversation or a shared faith cannot verify a cheque. Amara can decline without proving what Daniel intended.
Keep the decision with your bank
Do not send money, gift-card codes or account details to follow the request. Contact your own bank using its official app, website or a number on a statement you already trust. Ask what to do with the cheque and any account entry. Do not rely on a number or link supplied in the same message.
If you have already acted
Tell the bank what you deposited and contact the company used to send any money. Ask whether it can stop or recover the payment; there is no promise of recovery. Keep the message and transaction details if it is safe, and consider telling someone you trust.
Report options differ by country and payment service. The FTC lists US reporting routes; your bank or local consumer agency can explain routes where you live.
You may set a clear boundary
Amara could say, “I do not deposit or forward money for someone I am dating.” She does not need to discuss her balance or send proof. If Daniel keeps pressing, she may stop responding, block or report the account using the platform’s controls.
Keep reading
More ways to protect your money
Sources and what they can tell us
Amara and Daniel are invented adults. Bank procedures, laws and reporting options vary by location.
- US Federal Trade Commission: How to spot, avoid, and report fake check scams
It explains a cheque-and-forwarded-money scam and why available funds may not mean a cheque is genuine.
Limit: Its banking and reporting guidance is US-specific; local rules differ. - US Federal Trade Commission: What to do if you were scammed
It describes contacting the payment company or bank after a suspected scam.
Limit: It cannot promise recovery or decide what another country’s provider can do. - Love is respect: Boundaries and expectations
It encourages people to communicate their own limits.
Limit: It does not verify a cheque or determine Daniel’s intentions.
Questions about a cheque from a match
If the money appears in my account, is the cheque confirmed?
Not necessarily. Contact your bank and ask what the entry means; procedures and timing vary.
Does a request prove the person’s identity or intention?
No. The pattern is a reason to pause and verify independently, not a way to identify the sender.
Can I get money back if I already sent it?
Ask the bank or payment provider promptly. Recovery is not guaranteed.